So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
