it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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