i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
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