we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Someone came in the potted fern
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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