I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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