You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
