I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
