I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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