I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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