thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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