You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
