Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
