Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dick very happy bro
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
