You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
