Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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My Higher Power is John Stamos
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Text me some of your sweat
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