I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
