Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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