Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
