I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
