I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
