so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
