i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have aggressive nipples.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
