Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
