my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
