brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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