I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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