Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
