If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
