if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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