you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
