Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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