My nipple is on Facebook.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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