4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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