i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize