the condom got lost in my hair
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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