Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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