can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
