Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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