The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
