i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
