I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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