where does the pee come out of this thing
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
