You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
