This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
