God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
They took my balls.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
