Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
