overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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