I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
