She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
