Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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