you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
In America we eat man semen.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
