I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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