I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
